Dreadful Penny

Last night, my husband and I stood on our deck and watched the fireworks nearby.   The trees blocked much of our view, but standing in the dark with his arms around me was a better viewing experience than sitting on folding chairs in the middle of a crowd.

We just ran outside to watch a pair of F-15s scream by.  They must be doing a flyover of a parade or other July 4th event somewhere here in the Detroit metro area.

My husband will mow and trim the yard, I’ll do some weeding, and maybe we’ll disassemble my bicycle for painting.  Chicken cacciatore is simmering away in the slow cooker.  Kid Dreadful is staying with relatives for a while, so this will be a quiet day.

That’s the extent of our Independence Day festivities this year, and I think that’s fine.  Even as many of our liberties are taken or threatened, as I’m discouraged (yet again) by our choices for President, as our foreign policy seems murky and contradictory, and our domestic policy is no better, I’m glad to be American.  I appreciate that we still have more freedoms than many places.  I’m thankful for the abundance we have.  Though I’ve enjoyed visiting other countries and look forward to seeing more, this is home — by birth and choice.

Happy birthday, country of mine.

It’s July, so I’ve officially passed the six month mark.  Time for a status report.

Weight loss I’ve dropped 44 lbs this year and am currently averaging a pound lost per week.  That may not sound impressive, but consider this — I never feel deprived, I eat foods I love in significant quantities, I never go hungry, and I don’t crave (or even desire) foods I shouldn’t have.  This doesn’t feel like a diet.  It feels like I’m just living my life, comfortably, and losing weight.  If I keep going at my current rate of weight loss, I could be down another 26 pounds this year.  I’ll take that.  (Sidenote: I’ve lost a total of 84 pounds from my highest doctor-recorded weight,so far.)

Health I’m not an energetic person by nature, but I have had more energy this year than ever before.   Little annoyances like getting up in the middle of the night for bathroom trips and menstrual irregularities have disappeared.  I can do significantly more physical activity without getting winded or my pulse racing.  My skin looks better and my nails and hair are stronger.  The only medication I take is Synthroid, which is required for the rest of my life due to thyroid disease.  My blood pressure is 110/70 (in 2003, I was on three prescriptions and it was still a struggle to get it down to 120/80).  My blood sugar levels used to be borderline, even while taking Metformin for PCOS.  Now, they’re perfectly normal without medication.  I’m due for another cholesterol test this month because my LDL is high, but when last measured, my HDL was 52 and my triglycerides were 72; both very good numbers.  I might have a struggle with my doctor if my LDL remains elevated, but I strongly believe that — when considered with those HDL and triglycerides levels and the fact that I’m a woman — there is no reason to be alarmed.

Emotions The mere fact that I’m able to write about this “in public” is a big emotional shift for me.  The first couple of months were a strange rollercoaster.  The realization that I was losing weight without struggle or unhappiness was astonishing to a lifelong dieter, and I found myself racing ahead to the possibilities of being “normal” size.  I had to work through some self-image issues.   Consider: the last time I was this weight, I was 22 years old.  My body is shaped differently now, my face has aged, and when I see a photo of myself, I don’t always recognize it.  Really.  It’s fucked up.  Also, for the first time in years, I can buy clothes by choosing things I like instead of just taking whatever will fit.  I’m still in plus sizes, but now I can find clothes in the Women’s department of almost any department store.  I used to have to go to specialty stores and start trying on items from the largest end of the rack.

Practicalities Now that this is simply my way of eating, it’s not a struggle to restrict carbs.  At first, I tried to make low carb substitutes for mainstream foods, but I don’t bother anymore.  Lunch doesn’t have to be a sandwich - it can be tuna and raw veggies or nuts and berries. Sometimes I eat something that I know is unhealthy and has more carbs than I should have, but that’s a rare occasion.  I don’t call that cheating - it’s just real life.  I weigh myself daily and track what I eat using FitDay.  I might stop recording all of my meals; my confidence level is high, I’m aware of the carb count of the foods I eat regularly, and if my weight stagnates or starts to increase, I can start tracking again.

What’s next? I’m just getting back into my gym routine after a break and I need to step that up.  I’ve been lazy about eating vegetables and need to work more into my meals now that produce is plentiful.  The serving of chocolate “bark” that I like to make as a snack most nights has gotten bigger; I have to measure that and bring it back down.  I’ve been delaying the purchase of new clothes, but the capris I wear to the gym only stay up through the grace of very strong drawstrings and I’ll need new things for Fall.

So far so good.

We took a weekend trip to visit my family back in New York State, which was surprisingly exhausting (the 5+ hour drive across the most boring stretch of southern Ontario didn’t help), but today I feel like I’m back into the swing of things.  I’ll catch up on grocery shopping this morning, then putter in the garden and hit the gym this afternoon.

I have my first in-person audition in 14 years on Sunday.  I’m not stressed at all.  Ha!  I lie.  It’s for a short student film, but whether that or a feature picture for a major studio, I want to do my best.  I don’t feel I did well in the video reading I submitted last week, which bugs me, but I had limited time and was too anxious about the tech aspects.  However, the video exercise allowed (forced) me to watch my own performance, which made me aware of some overly-expressive personal gestures that I should suppress for TV/film.   Live theatre, especially the comic bits that I love performing, requires large facial expressions and hand sweeps, but they don’t work in on-screen drama.  I’ve been sneaking in some vocal and enunciation practice when I’m alone and experimenting with cold readings from various plays and scripts, but my confidence should be higher later in the week when I’ve had more preparation.

Dipping back into acting in my mid-thirties is a lot less nerve-wracking than it was in my twenties, though.  I have a more mature understanding that my body type just isn’t right for every role and every project; that used to frustrate the hell out of me, now I simply accept it (though I would encourage casting directors and others to challenge the conventional!).  Of course, I’m also older now and a “matronly” figure is more acceptable for the roles I might be considered for.  (Another side note: that’s true for TV/film, but I have youthful facial features and could pass for much younger on stage… but not with these damn hips.)  After years inside corporations, I’m much better at handling rejection than I used to be.  Plus, there’s the huge advantage of the Internet; when I was looking for roles near DC in the mid-’90s, I had to rely on ads in the paper and word-of-mouth.  I’m sure I haven’t found all the possible places that acting gigs are listed, but I’ve found enough to submit my resume and headshot several times a week.

Starting to treat this seriously is great motivation for getting back into my gym habit, though.  I’ll never be slender, but give me another year of diet and exercise and I should be much more castable.  I’d better stop babbling and get the grocery shopping done so I have time for the YMCA this afternoon.

This has felt like a remarkably busy week, but as I look back, I can’t say I accomplished much.  I got to the gym a couple of times — working that back into being a habit — and I responded to a few casting call ads.

For one of them, I had to shoot video of my readings; that was a royal pain in the ass.  I propped the camera tripod on our our bed, moved furniture to give myself an empty wall, turned on every light in the place, and tried to summon a decent reading performance.  Ugh.   Then, I had to edit the footage, compress it, and try to upload them as private videos on YouTube.  The director wasn’t able to access the them, so I had to upload them to my own server.  I spent almost three hours on the technical aspects alone.

Bottom line, though, I did it.  I responded to some other ads, too.  No, I’m not the slender gorgeous girl that most of them probably want, but you never know.  Yesterday I tried to name all of the plus-sized actresses with current projects and I came up empty.  Kathy Bates? Not lately.  Camryn Mannheim?  Ditto.  Roseanne Barr?  Nope.  The only working plus-sized female actresses I can picture or name are black or Hispanic, and I’m sorry to say I don’t know their names.

I’m giving it a shot, though.  Extra roles are fine.  Next month, I’ll audition for musical theatre, which is where most of my experience lies.  Fingers and toes crossed, except when I’m trying to remember how to dance.

Philosophically, I’m libertarian.  Politically, I’m registered Libertarian.  I was heartened by the amount of attention garnered by Ron Paul this year, though I disagreed with him on several topics and didn’t think he’d make a good president (too sadly earnest, too used to being the underdog, too incapable of a more workable policy of limited compromise, too weak).  At least he brought a constitutional viewpoint to the debate.  I wasn’t active in his campaign, but I donated a little and wore a button now and then, plus I joined a couple of supporter mailing lists.

In the aftermath of John McCain becoming the presumptive Republican nominee, those mailing lists have gone off the deep end.  First there were invitations to attend meetings of the John Birch Society.  Then, some racist crackpot sent a few anti-Semetic messages following George Carlin’s death.  Today’s messages raved about “FEMA concentration camps”, compact flourescent bulbs, whether those who are paid in gold and silver currency need to pay income taxes, and the “NAFTA super highway”.  Jesus in a jumpsuit.

All Libertarians are not paranoid, bigoted loons.  Really.  I firmly believe that most of us are just individuals who believe the US Constitution is a remarkably intelligent document, that government by and for the people is the best solution (even when that means - nay, guarantees - a less homogeneous nation), and who lean conservative on fiscal issues and liberal on social ones.

The wackos give us a bad name, but I suppose that’s what comes with a belief in personal freedom.  Unfortunately, because they’re so vocal and unpleasant, I find myself pulling back from any involvement in the party.  I’m more of a “small L” libertarian, anyway.

Back in May, I described this year’s attempts at small-space gardening, and I figure it’s time for an update.

Most of the spinach is done now.  It got tall and spindley, flowered, and dropped spiny seed pods.  I’ve chopped those down.  Most of the lettuce is through, too.  The red varieties came in later and are still tasty, but the greens have gotten tough.  I think I’m going to pull out the last of the existing plants and reseed to see if I can get a second crop.

The raised garden is going crazy.  We’ll have our first handful of sugar snap peas with dinner tonight and the cherry tomato plant has loads of green tomatoes.  The beans got to be about six feet tall and I’m hoping for a good harvest.  One of the carrots is showing above the ground; I expect they’ll all be ready in early July.  The herbs are bushy and I’ve been using the sage and basil in my cooking.

The strawberries were a bust.  Two plants survived, but they don’t show any signs of flowers or berries yet.  Our apple and peach trees look healthy.  We might get a couple pieces of fruit, but that’s more than we planned on, since we just put them in.  Our crabapple tree will have a good crop; I used them to make jelly and candy last year.

So far, I’m satisfied.  Next year I’ll have to put cages around the tomatoes from the beginning, to keep them from sprawling and shading the plants nearby, but I think this will be a successful year.

That’s something I’m trying to figure out.  Admittedly, I’m using the internal debate as a technique to procrastinate.  I don’t want to go down into the crowded, dimly-lit, spider-filled basement and sort through boxes!

It needs to be done, though.  We’ve been living here for a year and a half and most of the boxes cluttering the basement haven’t been opened in months.   The leftover contents are sometimes valuable — like my collectible porcelain figurine and the best of my husband’s baseball cards — and sometimes the sort of thing that can only be described as “another man’s treasure”.

Here are my arguments on whether a yard sale is appropriate for us:

PRO

- It would be a good way to get rid of lots of random stuff.  Craft supplies, extra dishes, kids’ toys and books.

- Like ripping off a bandage, it’s all done at once.  Leftovers would get hauled to the Salvation Army or left on the curb with a “Free” sign.

CON

- Everything needs to be priced individually and very cheaply.

- Haggling.  I hate haggling.

- We don’t have garage space for the sale, so weather could ruin our plans.

- I’m not much of a salesperson and the onslaught of bargain-hunting strangers would make shy me feel very uncomfortable.

What to do, what to do?  If I don’t run a yard sale, I could eBay the shippable items that have enough value to be worth the time.  Larger items could go on Craigslist (my husband effectively sold some larger items that way when we moved).   Leftovers could be donated or freecycled.  It would take more time, but we could also expect to earn more through those approaches than we could at yard sale prices.  And I’ve got time over the summer, anyway.

Hmmph.  I’ve never sold anything on eBay, though I’ve bought there.  We have boxes for shipping.  Maybe I’ll pick an item and try to sell it, then make a decision about how to unload the rest.

Hey you!  Yeah, you.  Guy eating Sunday breakfast with his wife at a coney, with a Bluetooth cell phone earpiece clipped in place.  YOU.

You’re an asshole.

And you.  Don’t give me that look.  You’re at Red Robin with your family, but you’ve got your Bluetooth headset on.  That’s it, make sure your family understands just where they rank in your life — somewhere behind any stranger who might possibly call you during dinner.  You.

You’re a mega-asshole.

It’s annoying enough walking through the airport or down a busy street surrounded by Bluetoothed idiots in suits yapping to themselves like asylum escapees.  A couple of people at my former office used to stay Bluetooth-connected all the time; I give one the benefit of the doubt because he was an adorable geek and I think he just liked the cyborg look.  Mr. Exec who wore his through “very serious issue” one-on-one conversations with his staff?  Asshole.

But outside of work hours?  C’mon.  If you’re in a restaurant with anyone who matters to you, take off the fucking headset.  If you’re not expecting a critical phone call any second (your wife is 8.5 months pregnant, your kid is in the hospital, the cops are searching your condo), take it off.  It’s like having call waiting on your life.  You’re clearly showing that whomever you are engaged with at the time is not your first choice.

The vast majority of inappropriate Bluetooth headset wearers I see are men, though many women will pull out their cell phones at every opportunity.  You bitches are assholes too, you’re just less obvious about it.

The ubiquitousness of personal phones has led me to loathe them.  I hate hearing my cell phone ring.  The idea that I should be available to take anyone’s call at any time, any where, is repulsive.  So, I don’t always answer.  I don’t worry about carrying it with me every minute.  We don’t have a landline — it didn’t make financial sense when we were all going to have cell phones anyway — but that doesn’t mean I’m at your beck and call.  Leave a message.  I might call you back.  More likely, I’ll drop you an e-mail.  One of the things I found attractive about my husband when we were dating was that he also professed to hate phones.   Granted, that didn’t stop us from the usual marathon courting calls, but the phase passed quickly.

Well-managed, politely used cell phones are excellent tools.  Turn down the ringer at dinner and at the movies.  If you need to take or make a call when you’re in public, walk away from people who are trying to have conversations, eat, shop, play with their kids, or simply enjoy the previous quiet.  Don’t assume that because I have a cell phone, you’ll get through immediately or I’ll call you back within minutes.  Oh, and take off the headset unless you’re driving or in your cubicle.  Please.

I’m posting this on the slim, skinny, extremely slender chance that someone found my envelope and will search the web to find the owner. Doubtful, eh? I have to try.

What: unmarked white #10 envelope filled with coupons (over $20 in CVS ExtraCare bucks, a $5 Walgreens register rebate, free coupons for Yoplait Kids and Country Bob’s BBQ sauce, a rebate form for Excedrin, two coupons to Buffalo Wild Wings)

Where: Ferndale, Michigan, in the municipal lot behind Buffalo Wild Wings

When: between 5:00 and 6:30 pm, Saturday, June 21st

It took a lot of time and effort to research deals and earn these savings for my family. The CVS ECBs are useless to anyone but me; my real name is on them and they have to be used with my card. If you are miraculously in possession of my lost envelope, please write to me at penny [at] dreadfulpenny.com.

*sigh* I had a nice evening out with my husband before I realized that my envelope was gone. We checked inside the restaurant. We practically tore apart the truck. I looked under cars and in garbage cans in the parking lot. And, I tried not to cry. Bottom line, losing this sets me back $30 or so. Damn it. It’s not the end of the world, but it sucks.

It’s officially summer, so how have I been spending my multitasking time? Crocheting scarves, of course.

This first one is for me. It’s just cheap acrylic yarn, but it’s Wings red and should be perfect for game days. The pattern is simple - nothing more complex than an occasional double crochet - and except for the first chain, no counting higher than five. The weave crunches into a three-dimensional diamond pattern after a few repetitions (though that could be the result of my overly-tight stitches). If you want to give this pattern a try, you can find it free for personal use here on CrochetMe.com.

I’m working on a second scarf in soft blue and white cotton; it’ll be a birthday gift for my sister-in-law. That one should look great with jeans on chilly evenings in late summer and fall.