Dreadful Penny

Over at Northern Cheapskate, Christina wrote about book rentals and pointed out that (hello?) most areas of our fine country have free public library systems.  This reminded me of something my husband mentioned earlier in the week.

On Saturday while our house was being used as a movie set, he spent some time hiding out at the library, browsing periodicals, picking up new books, and digging through public records to learn more about the history of our 90+ year old home.  He commented to a librarian that the place was busy.  The librarian agreed and said that at both libraries where he works, traffic is up and the turnover of books has increased dramatically.  The economy, he speculated.

No doubt.  There was a time, back in my six-figure-salary days, I had no idea where my local library was located, but Amazon.com was at the top of my bookmarks.  I’m pretty sure that books make up the bulk of the weight of my belongings whenever I move, and I have rooms full of furniture. On the other hand, I think I’ve purchased one book this year; it was something I had already borrowed from the library, but I wanted to have on hand for reference and motivation.  Books just aren’t part of the budget anymore.

Our local library system is fantastic.  While I can’t say I’m all that impressed with the breadth of their collection, they have an online system that allows me to search the database of all county libraries from home, find books or multimedia that I want to borrow, and place a hold on that item.  When it is returned — or if it was already shelved, when it is shipped to my local library — I get an e-mail and have 10 days to pick it up.

They also have a system that sends automated e-mail reminders a couple of days before your books are due, and you can renew them online.  Late fees used to be a constant hassle for forgetful me and this has been a real moneysaver.

I’m a big believer that if you can read well and comprehend what you’ve read, no knowledge is out of reach.  I’ve used the library for entertainment, but I’ve also used it to teach myself about gardening in this region, plan our family vacation, refresh my acting skills, learn the music for an upcoming audition, and find low-carb recipes.  We also attended a lecture about the history of trumpets in jazz and I’ve slotted a couple of upcoming free movies into our calendar.

Ages ago when I was in grade school, I used to beg my mom to take me to the library weekly so I could check out a new armload of books.  By the time I was in middle school, I had read my way through the young adult section, the adult mystery/spy section (I was a huge fan of Christie, Gardner, Fleming, etc), and started into sci-fi and fantasy.  It’s been nice to rediscover the library, where I can indulge my wide variety of short-lived interests without spending a dime.

I was at the movie shoot from 11:00 pm until a little after 8:00 this morning.  It was a normal night for an extra: I was actually needed on set twice as background (two different angles of the same scene), but most of the night was spent making small talk, reading, doing crossword puzzles, or just staring into the distance trying to stay awake.  Nice people and a comfortable setting, though, plus they fed us tacos at 4:00 am.  Yum.

Silly me, I offered to go back and do it again tonight.  Tonight’s filming is two blocks from my house; if there was any possible way I could do it, I would.  So, we’ll grab some dinner, go to see the early showing of the 48 Hour Film Project, then I’ll come home, change, and go to work.

And because when it rains, it pours, I have an audition tomorrow afternoon!  Hopefully I’ll be able to get in a few hours of sleep and I’ll be reasonably fresh by then.

I’m an extra in a scene that’s shooting overnight tonight, with a call from 11:00 pm-10:30 am. Our home schedule is going to be awfully strange for the next couple of days.  I’ll prep two nights of dinners this afternoon — tomorrow will be slow cooker pepper steak, so I can get it ready and stick it in the fridge for my husband to plug in while I’m still on set.  Kid has some activities that will require chauffeur duties before and after dinner for the next couple days.  Both Kid and my husband have lunch plans tomorrow.  Thursday evening is the 48 Hour Film Project screening.  Bright and early Friday morning, we need to cart Kid to the airport for a summer trip he’s taking.

It’s not only that we have a lot to do, but the timing is complicated.  I knew my project management experience would come in handy someday.

Now to try to figure out when I’m going to work in sleep.  I remember overnight shoots — we shot three or four nights in a row when I was an extra in the mid-90s — but I was a much younger woman then and an all-nighter wasn’t a big deal.

Our film for the 48 Hour Film Project is slotted to be shown in the middle of the first batch, at the 7:00 showing on Thursday, July 24.  C’mon by.

The experience made for a manic Saturday.  I had signed onto a team as a PA, then added catering into my duties, and then the whole production ended up being filmed in my house.  Our home office became two office sets; the family room became a third.  For eight hours, our normally quiet and empty house was filled with creative folks.  (My husband hid out in the bedroom, except for a short break when he went to the library.  He was tolerant of the last minute imposition, but I felt horrible that he was denied the comfort of his own home on the weekend.)

The people were great, though.  I’d happily work with any of them again and hope I’ll have the chance.  The film?  Couldn’t tell you.  I expect that Thursday will be the first time I see it, but I think it has a lot of potential.  Cross your fingers for us!

This is the unseen side of financial stress in a family doing the “right” things: a weeping woman sitting on the floor of a closet, surrounded by piles of paperwork, as her husband tries to comfort her and undoubtedly feels a heavy burden on his own shoulders.  That was the scene at our house less than an hour ago.

Where’s our fucking bailout?

No, we don’t need one, but I have a very, very hard time understanding why people and companies who made ludicrous, irresponsible financial decisions get a taxpayer-sponsored mulligan.

Barack Obama says we’re rich (we will be taxed much more heavily if he wins the presidency and his plans are enacted).  We didn’t qualify for a cent of economic stimulus money.  We have no credit card debt, our mortgages have low interest rates, our one remaining car loan will be paid off in six months.  We have retirement accounts and college savings account. We live in a nice home in a good neighborhood and have a generally comfortable life.

Sounds like a nice position to be in, eh?  For the most part, it is, but there’s more to it than that.  Those retirement accounts have lost tens of thousands of dollars of value this year.  The college savings account might cover tuition for one semester at a state college and we only have three more years before Kid needs it.  The equity in our home — the money we brought to the purchase as a deposit, since we’ve only been here a couple years — has evaporated with the market downturn.  The other house has lost so much value that we’d need to take out a loan to sell it; if my husband didn’t have a good salary and we didn’t have excellent credit, maybe the bank would forgive the difference, but we’re too responsible to benefit.  (How fucked is that?)  We have tenants that cover the mortgage, but the tax bill that just hit us for that property is a painful one.

Nobody else is going to cry about our terrible plight, and they shouldn’t.  That doesn’t mean that the situation is without stress.

I’m left feeling horribly guilty and useless.  I feel guilty for taking the family on expensive vacations for the past two years (and for wanting a vacation at all; my husband can do without, but I’m used to a lot more travel).  I feel guilty that I didn’t struggle harder to make my last consulting job continue a little longer.  I feel guilty — no matter how ridiculous this is — that I’m not still bringing in the six-figure salary I used to earn, while somehow also being a perfect wife and mother.  I feel guilty for every dollar I’ve spent on something just for myself in the past few months.  I feel guilty for hating my old oversized clothes and wishing I had new ones… and then I feel guilty for not having clothes that fit me, so I could take temp office jobs.  (That’s a nice bit of fucked-up reasoning: I feel guilty both for losing weight so my old clothes don’t fit AND for still being too heavy to find cheap office-worthy clothes.)

This morning, I beat myself up because I couldn’t find a piece of paperwork.  Our house got turned on end twice last week, for the office lunch and for filming the 48 Hour Film Project (more on that in a future post), and I stashed paperwork in closets out of the way.  My husband — silly him — wanted to make a payment on the aforementioned property tax bill this morning.  I was 90% sure I knew where I had put the bill.  I looked and I looked and I got more and more upset.  If I’m not earning money so we’re more comfortable, the least I can do is keep the house managed like a tightly run ship, right?  With each paper I turned over, I mentally flagellated myself for procrastination, untidiness, etc, building up a reserve of self-loathing that eventually overflowed and left me bawling on the closet floor.

It’s over.  My husband went to work; I’ll do the filing and admin this afternoon (as I had planned) and will undoubtedly find the bill then  It’s time for me to do the weekly shopping.  Life goes on.  But now, there’s an undercurrent of financial tension that the tax bill and Friday’s theft brought to the surface, and it’s going to take some time to get it deeply buried again.

Here goes.  Estimates below, updates will be in orange.

Rite Aid - Nothing special this week, so I’m not stopping in.

CVS - Expected spending of $3 for a couple of American Greetings cards and 2 packs of gum, after coupons.  I’ll pay with ECBs and should be able to make up the difference with pocket change. [No time today; will stop later in the week.]

Walgreens - A few more school items, some soup, baking soda, and a canister of instant coffee.  About $14, with $3 earned in rebates for the future = net $11 deducted from my rebate gift card. [Actual: $13.57 with $3 coming in rebates, net $10.57 paid with the gift card.]

Kmart - I wish they accepted Internet coupons because I could really do well this week, but no luck.  Picking up some socks, fruit, cheese, lunch meat, hot dogs, and instant rice pouches.  Estimate: about $25. [Actual: $20.10, but I forgot to buy the cheese.]

Meijer - Fresh vegetables, hot dog rolls, milk, cream, popcorn, brownie mix, mayo, cleaning products, frozen veggies, beef, and a turkey breast (for roasting).  Estimate: $40, with a $5 rebate earned.  Net $35. [Actual: $25.41 and a $3.70 rebate earned, so $21.21 net.  However, I didn’t get the beef, brownie mix, mayo, or half the cleaning products I planned because they were either out of stock or my coupons didn’t match.  No necessary purchases, though.]

Target - Four 12-packs of Coke Zero and two boxes of Special K bars, about $16 after coupons, with can deposits and tax. [Actual: $15.13, got everything.]

Hopefully, I’ll be able to stick to or beat that budget, which would mean $90 net spent this week — $13 of that from a gift card and ECBs, so $77 as fresh, out of pocket expense.  [Actual so far: $56.44 out of pocket, plus $10.57 on a gift card and $6.70 in earned rebates — nice low total, but I had planned to add a few more things to our stockpiles at decent prices.  No big deal, though.]

On Friday night, we took Kid Dreadful to see Weird Al Yankovic in concert.  I packed a picnic dinner, we had a great location in the lawn seating area, the weather was beautiful, and the concert was terrific.  As we walked to the parking lot, we were all in excellent moods.

Then I saw a look of panic sweep Kid’s face while we were loading our chairs and blanket into the back of the car.  He ripped open the door to the backseat and let out a strange noise.  “It’s gone.”

Backtrack: We had plans to drop Kid off to visit relatives after the concert.  Since he doesn’t go anywhere without his electric guitar, he had it with him.  I had to tell him to put the guitar down out of view, but I only felt a twinge of concern about leaving a (pretty cheap) electric guitar in the car at a family-friendly concert in the parking lot on the campus of a suburban university.  How wrong I was.

Kid was shocked and furious.  He started looking around the car, as if someone might have dropped it.  We went to talk to a Sheriff, but he said no one would be available to take a report until the parking lot was empty.  Since the replacement value on the guitar was less than the deductible on our car insurance (and there didn’t seem to be any damage to the car), we opted not to make a report.

As we drove away, an angry voice came from the back seat.  “I’ve got something that’ll add to the value.  They also got my PSP and about twelve games.”  Yes, he had tucked them into his guitar case.

If I had known he had hundreds of dollars of easily portable, desirable equipment that was going to be left unattended in a dark parking lot for several hours, would I have been a bad guy and refused to let him take all of that along?  I’d like to think so, but that falls into the hindsight category.

And I don’t know if this makes things worse or better, but the alarm on my car wasn’t going off, the other contents weren’t rifled through, and there was no damage to the back door, which was left open.  I suspect that my husband accidentally left the car unlocked — as we were leaving the car for the concert, our hands were full, there were cars pulling in around us, there was a lot of confusion, and my vehicle (unlike his) will not lock itself if unattended.  Of course he feels ridiculously guilty about this.  I feel guilty for not nagging him to lock the car, which I usually do.  Hell, I feel guilty for owning a car that doesn’t lock itself.

The simple truth is that these things happen.  If there weren’t rotten thieving fuckwads who go through parking lots peering in the windows and trying doors, it wouldn’t be a problem.  However, there are.

As we drove, we explained to Kid that we can’t afford to replace his guitar anytime soon.  The PSP and games?  Those are a lost cause.  He had just used a good chunk of savings to buy himself a new (used) PSP and it really, really sucks that it was taken.  However, he has plenty of videogames and we’re not going to shed tears that one of his gaming options is gone.  The guitar is a different story.  That’s a tool for constructive creative expression and very dear to him.

The guitar, book, and pocket amp that were stolen probably cost $150 total.  That’s it.  $150.  Do we have that much money?  Sure we do.  Then why did we tell him we couldn’t afford to replace it?

We spent a lot of money on the house this year.  Our emergency fund is not where it needs to be, I hold my breath when I view the credit card bill each month (though we still pay it off in full), and we just got a property tax bill that was almost double what had been expected.   Yes, we could pull that $150 out of savings, but it isn’t what we should do.  It isn’t right for us or the right message to give to Kid.

While we drove, I was consumed with a feeling of guilt for not having a paying job.  For not contributing directly to the household budget so that — at least — we could offer Kid opportunities to earn half the money for a new guitar and we could toss in the rest.  I felt selfish for pursuing my hobbies instead of finding some way to earn a little money without it costing more than it would bring in.

Kid’s grandparents are going to buy him a guitar in a couple weeks.  Maybe someone will give him a PSP eventually.  Sometimes lessons are learned the hard way and I don’t suppose that Kid will be leaving his valuables unlocked and unattended in the future.  That’s not an uncommon realization to reach as a teenager and it’ll serve him well.

As for me, that night I stayed up to update my resume and apply for a temporary TV Production Assistant gig.  I’ve been skimming for part-time jobs I can do from home.  It would be nice to have a bit more of a financial buffer, you know?

Woo.  I got a call to be an extra in a horror movie next Wednesday.  Yes, please.  The token payment will cover my gas and it’s a fresh credit, so I can’t wait.

Clint Eastwood is here in Royal Oak today, filming a scene for Gran Torino in a barber shop.  I went to an open casting call for extras for his film last week, but haven’t heard anything.  Apparently they needed some young Latino guys and about 70 older people (50s-80s) for a church scene — I’m in neither demographic.  Still hoping they’ll suddenly have a need for a 30-something non-glamorous white chick, though!

Today we had my husband’s colleagues over for lunch and I’m happy to announce that everyone survived!  Here’s what we had.

Beverages:

• soda pop
• bottled water
• berry lemonade

Appetizers:

• fresh vegetables and dip
• potato chips
• pretzels

Main:

• hamburgers and rolls
• chicken kabobs

Sides:

• caprese salad
• potato salad

Desserts:

• grapes
• stuffed strawberries
• rocky road brownies

The potato salad and dip were purchased as is — I don’t have particularly impressive recipes for either, so I opted to save some time. Otherwise, I tried to find the simplest ways to make impressive-looking, great-tasting food without spending an arm and a leg.

The berry lemonade was made with frozen lemonade, about two cups of fruit punch, raspberries and blueberries.  I pulled out a silicone muffin tray, placed four berries in each compartment, poured in a 50/50 mix of lemonade and fruit punch, and then slid them into the freezer (on top of a cookie sheet for support).  To serve, I filled a punch bowl with lemonade and added several of the berry ice “muffins”.  As they melted, rather than diluting the drink like normal ice cubes, they infused it with berry flavor so every glass tasted slightly different.

The burgers were made from ground round mixed with Weber gourmet burger seasoning, a little liquid smoke, and some Heinz 57 steak sauce with Lea & Perrins.  I put out lettuce, tomato slices, bacon, colby jack cheese, pepper jack cheese, sliced dill pickle, mustard, and lettuce so everyone could customize a truly indulgent burger.  The kabobs were chicken breast alternating with red, orange, and yellow sweet pepper squares, all marinated in Italian dressing.  The caprese salad featured fresh basil from our garden, a few chopped tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, olive oil, and salt and pepper. Yum.

The desserts were a hit.  The rocky road brownies started as a couple of boxes of chocolate lover’s brownies with walnuts (I don’t remember which brand, but they were really rich and dense).  I added a couple of handfuls of semi-sweet chocolate chips and some mini-marshmallows, making sure to sprinkle some on the top.  They were gooey and crunchy and oooooh, yum.  For the strawberries, I basically followed this recipe.  Instead of making the filling, though, I found a container of premade Philly cheesecake filling on sale that cost less than the needed amount of generic cream cheese.  Easier and tasty.  I melted some pieces of Dove dark chocolate to drizzle over the top.  They were luscious.

Some part of me enjoys doing this sort of thing, but it really was a lot of work.  My attention to detail increases the workload: the house is the cleanest it has been in about a year, despite the fact that our guests just passed through quickly for a couple of minutes each.  I would have been horrified for someone to catch a glimpse of a filthy baseboard.  *sigh*  The cooking part was much more enjoyable and I’m really pleased with the way everything turned out.

But I’m even more pleased that it’s done.  Whew.